Okonkuluku University

Conducting a Syrup Séance

SirLymanLemons — Fri, 04 Jul 2008 05:49:44 +0000

Sometimes it’s just plain hard to figure out what drink to make. A fridge filled with too many juices, a bar with many rums and liqueurs, a spice cabinet with lots of … stuff. That’s when you need to hold a Syrup Séance, a simple procedure in which the rums start talking to you, and you’ll know what to drink!

Syrups and Tiki Mugs Needed for Séance

To hold a Syrup Séance, you need to have in your possession at least the following types of homemade syrups:

Wong’s Homemade Cinnamon Syrup #2
Queequeg’s Blood Syrup
Falernum
Homemade French Orgeat
Ginger Syrup
Mint Syrup

(If you do not know how to make these syrups on your own, please enroll in Syrup Making 101).

You will also need the following basic types of tiki mugs:

Marquesan mug
Volcano or Scorpion Bowl
Tangaroa mug
Coconut bowl
Kapu box
Moai mug
Rum Barrel

Also please prepare at least 4 oz. of crushed ice per mug and 12 oz. of fresh lime juice.

How to Initiate the Syrup Séance

Position the mugs in a circle and turn on exotic tiki music. Begin to sing “Bwana, Bwana E” as proscribed by the Procedures for Syrup Séance Manual. Then best time to start your Séance is either when you’re very thirsty, have curiously imaginative taste buds, or are already intoxicated. That way, you will feel the effects of the Syrup Séance more quickly. Fill each mug with approximately 4-5 oz. of crushed ice.

The Spirits are Talking!

Whether you’re on the rum or staying at home, a talking spirit can lift your spirits quicker than a helium balloon. After a few drinks, you’ll surely know which syrups go hand in hand (or tongue in tongue, or cheek in cheek, or belly to belly) with what rums. And when you’re in the Know, that is, connected to the Akashic Network … you’ll be able to move past wining and dining: Be ready to rum barrel and carol, beer and cheer, and (later) skull and lull.

Live Performance: Ocarina Limeophone (video)

admin — Mon, 16 Jun 2008 04:19:07 +0000

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=UusafMQjIOc

Sir Lyman Lemons of the Royal Consqueezatory at Okonkuluku University performs his rendition of “Silent Night” on the Ocarina Limeophone.

Exotica Performance Program

admin — Tue, 03 Jun 2008 21:01:12 +0000

Updated June 5, 2008

For the Serious Exotica Musician

The Exotica Performance Program (EPP) at Okonkuluku University is geared towards students who dream of performing live exotica across the world. The EPP has two basic tracks: Classic Exotica (for the study and performance practice akin to Martin Denny, Les Baxter, Arthur Lyman, Gene Rains, Augie Colon, Robert Drasnin, and others) and Modern Exotica (for the advancement of exotica music towards the modern/post-modernist aesthetic, as has been done by Don Tiki, WAITIKI, Combustible Edison, and others). Students are strongly encouraged, however, to participate in courses from each track.

Admission to the EPP

Because of the intense nature of the program, acceptance to the Exotica Performance Program is by successful audition and interview only. Audition requirements are listed below. Upon notification of a successful audition, program candidates will be invited for a live interview and drinking session at an Okonkuluku University campus. All applicants must contact O.K.U. for a current admissions package (includes short essay requirements). We regret that we are not able to offer admission to all applicants.

Essay Questions

All applicants must answer the question titled “Strong Drinks, Strong Livers.” Then, respond to 2 of the following short essay questions. Responses should be typed using font no larger than 12pt Times or Garamond (do NOT use monospaced fonts), with equal 1″ margins. 1-2 pages per short essay question. Cite sources if applicable using applicant’s preferred style format (MLA or APA accepted). For “Strong Drinks, Strong Livers”, your response should be at least 3 pages.

Strong Drinks, Strong Livers.
At a time when Americans are continually faced with propositions from The Man—buying from giant wholesalers, eating at chain restaurants, succumbing to the “King Corn” scandal, and consuming weak (practically) “mocktails” from Pizzeria Uno’s or T.G.I. Friday’s—enjoying high-quality, strong drinks is quickly becoming a brilliant luxury, an expensive distraction that keeps consumers away from wasting money on cheap liquor. What is beginning to wane away is an appreciation for the art of cocktailology (a.k.a. mixology). In your essay, you should advocate for why the advancement of tiki cocktaillology in mainstream society is not only good for the tiki lifestyle in general, but how it also affects who you are as an exotica musician.
Exotica and You.
How did you become acquainted with this music and its connected pop culture? What place do the music and the culture of tiki have in today’s world? How do they fit in with who you are?
Exotica Influences.
Describe 2 musicians (and/or their music) that you consider to be strong influences on classic exotica. Do not describe actual exotica musicians (i.e. Martin Denny, Les Baxter, Arthur Lyman, etc.)
Why Tiki?
Choose a commonly-accepted exotica musician and argue why they SHOULDN’T be considered as such.
Favorite Place for Exotica
If you could perform exotica for any audience, at any venue (no limitations), where and for whom would you perform? Why? Describe the circumstances that lead up to the performance and what (if any) obstacles surround the performance.

Audition Procedures

All applicants must submit a DVD (with audition repertoire as noted) prior to their live audition at Okonkuluku University. If invited for a live audition, please check-in at the registration desk in the foyer of Watermelon Hall of the Royal Consqueezatory. Plan to arrive at least 1 hour before your audition time; applicants will be served complimentary mai-tais and shrunken skulls in the order they are queued.
Please note: For the 2008-2009 academic year, we are giving vibraphone applicants first priority!

VIBRAPHONE Audition Requirements

Round 1 (for DVD) - no accompaniment

Solo arrangement, from memory, of choice (choose one): “Quiet Village”, “Adventures in Paradise”, “Akaka Falls”
[B] section of “Tiki” (play triple-stops). Quarter note=120
Complete form from “Cave of Uldo”. Play double-stops at measure 9. Measure 17: play two bottom voices (parallel sixths).
Contemporary 4-mallet piece of choice. Can be played on marimba or xylophone.
3 contrasting excerpts from the standard orchestra literature of choice. (Can include non-mallet instruments)

Round 2 (Live Audition)

All applicants must perform “Bwana, Bwana E” and “Quiet Village” from memory.
Committee will select 6 pieces each from standard exotica repertoire list (see below) and contemporary exotica repertoire list (see below) for applicant to perform with live accompaniment. Selections must be performed from memory, in standard keys. Applicant responsible for ALL vocal parts, when noted (i.e. Background humming on “Black Orchid” or chanting in “Fuzzy Mammoth Breath”).

BASS Audition Requirements

Round 1 (for DVD)

All bass applicants must demonstrate strong proficiency on upright bass and either electric or fretless electric bass

Three 3- or 4-octave major and melodic minor scales, in keys of applicant’s choice. Quarter note = 76.
Solo piece of applicant’s choice.
Two contrasting movements of Bach, of applicant’s choice.
12-bar blues, of applicant’s choice. Play head twice, then walk 3 choruses.
Non-classical piece of choice

Round 2 (Live Audition)

All applicants must perform “Bwana, Bwana E” and “Quiet Village” from memory. Bass applicants should be able to demonstrate to the Committee the ability to simultaneously play the bass part to “Quiet Village” while humming or singing the melody.
Committee will select 6 pieces each from standard exotica repertoire list (see below) and contemporary exotica repertoire list (see below) for applicant to perform with live accompaniment. Selections must be performed from memory, in standard keys, and on the instrument (upright or electric) requested by the committee. Applicant responsible for ALL vocal parts, when noted (i.e. Background humming on “Black Orchid” or chanting in “Fuzzy Mammoth Breath”).

Standard Exotica Repertoire List

Adventures in Paradise
Akaka Falls
Aloha Oe
Black Orchid
Bwana, Bwana E
Chant of the Moon
China Clipper
Cobra
Coronation
Diga Diga Doo
Hawaii Pono’i
Imi Au Ia Oe
Jungle Drums
Jungle River Boat
Magic Islands
Primitiva
Similau
Scimitar
Quiet Village
Ruby
Taboo
Tiki
Voodoo Love
When First I Love

Contemporary Exotica Repertoire List

Bananas & Rice
Cave of the Tarpon
Cave of Uldo
Dew Drop Inn, If You Please, My Humming Flower
Flower Humming
Fuzzy Mammoth Breath
Green Rose Hula
L’ours Chinois
Oanalao
Pan-XOTIK-Da
Pineapple Lilt
Plamingo Flagoda
Plamingo Merengue
Rendezvous in Okonkuluku
Wadada
Wet Cave

The Lime

admin — Tue, 04 Mar 2008 09:41:51 +0000

A foundational course dedicated to one of the most important fruits in the universe. Limes: who grows them, and how? What are the anatomical body parts most commonly found in limes? What ways have limes been peeled and squeezed throughout the ages? And finally, a look at one of the most sour disputes known to man: What led up to limes loosing ground to lemons? Join this course and become part of an ever-growing campaign to bring limes back to stardom.

Students in the College of General Studies can use this course as a Political Science elective.

Romanticism and the Emergence of Tiki

admin — Tue, 04 Mar 2008 09:32:56 +0000

Course taught by Prof. Humming Flower

Catalog Description

An examination of 19th century Romanticism and its undeniable connections to modern-day tiki enthusiasts. Lectures presented (sung) as German lieder with accompaniment from School of Music collaborative vibraphone and percussion faculty. Students are expected to have a thorough understanding of harmony, as presented in works by Schubert, Brahms, Wolff, and Wagner. What conditions foreshadowed the re-emergence of tiki, as seen in the Industrial Age and with Romanticists? To what extent can we consider Les Baxter the modern equivalent of Franz Schubert? Particular attention will be paid in comparing works of Johann Wolfgang von Goethe and James A. Michener (Tales of the South Pacific).

Sample Assignment

Compare and contrast lyrics and text-setting for Bali Ha’i with that of a Schubert-set Goethe text. Include scores (vocal+piano) of both works with harmonic and structural analyses. Discuss in your analysis statement:

Is Bali Ha’i an example of prima prattica or secunda prattica?
What specific musical qualities make Bali Ha’i exotica?
To what extent is performance practice encoded in musical notation?

Sample Performance Project Assignments

Your recordings should be accompanied by statements of compositional process and program notes for public performance. Selected student projects will be added to the O.K.U. website’s media player for O.K.U. Student Performances.

Arrange and record (or perform in class) a Goethe/Schubert lied using exotica performance practices. Do the same for Bali Ha’i: compose a piano accompaniment that mimics the work of Schubert.

Film Exotique

admin — Tue, 04 Mar 2008 09:20:20 +0000

This course introduces typical mid-century pop-cultural themes such as ‘paradise lost and found’, cannibalism, and ‘tribal villagers threaten white-collar americans.’ Emphasis is put on films created prior to 1959. Based on detailed analyses of plot, character, setting, costuming, lighting, and director inebriation, students will write their own short stories and produce them as film miniatures. Selected projects will be featured in a future edition of the campus-wide O.K.U. Film Seminar. Films for study include: Bela Lugosi Meets A Brooklyn Gorilla (1952) and Kon-Tiki (1951).

O.K.U. Film Seminar Film Festival

admin — Mon, 03 Mar 2008 00:59:09 +0000

This is going to be a very special event. Check back here for more details soon.

Watermelon Sacrificing

admin — Mon, 03 Mar 2008 00:56:59 +0000

Graduate students who complete the University’s Watermelon Husbandry program can receive a second Master’s degree as an Ordained Sacrifical Watermelon Priest. Because of the complex ethical nature that comprises courses within the Watermelon Sacrifical Priesthood program, we regret that we can only accept students who have completed Master’s degrees in Watermelon Husbandry at Okonkuluku University. Students interested in applying to this selective, individualized program should consult a member of the faculty in their first year of WH graduate studies, so that they may plan their WH coursework accordingly.

Please note that, due to Okonkuluku Village policies, Okonkuluku University does not grant ordination as a condition of fulfilling graduation requirements; the Village conducts its own priesthood exams on a semi-annual basis to alums of our program who have dutifully completed coursework and performance evaluations.

Watermelon Priesthood TV Commercial

Watermelon Husbandry

admin — Mon, 03 Mar 2008 00:56:47 +0000

A Unique Approach To Understanding Watermelon Science

Students in the Watermelon Husbandry program are amongst Okonkuluku’s finest agrarians and most well-respected community leaders. Modeled duly on the French philosophy Laissez-faire and Chinese Taoism, the O.K.U. Watermelon Husbandry program is just as important for watermelon seedlings as it is for the students who raise them. While contemporary notions of watermelon growth often dictate the degree to which the watermelon serves its buyers (see photo above), Okonkuluku University believes that the opposite is often just as important.

Watermelon Husbandry TV Commercial

Individualized Double Masters Degree

admin — Mon, 03 Mar 2008 00:56:20 +0000

Okonkuluku University proudly announces a new program, the Individualized Double Masters Degree, in recognition of our talented and increasingly interdisciplinary graduate students. The program is open to any student already enrolled in a graduate program at O.K.U.

Multiple Pathways for Entrepreneurial Students

Students are encouraged to make connections between colleges and cross-register for courses as much as is needed for their program of study. The University already has official exchange conduits in place between the School of Design and The Royal Consqueezatory, but we expect that many students in the Business school will also be interested. (Note: This program is not intended as a shortcut to Watermelon Husbandry graduate students interested in applying for the selective Watermelon Priesthood program).