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Royal Consqueezatory
Last Updated March 2, 2008
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The Royal Consqueezatory is an admission-selective college for students seeking professional careers in cocktailology and mixology sciences. Open by audition only, students enrolled at the Consqueezatory engage in stimulating courses that encourage creativity, inquiry, analytic and reflective thinking. All assessment is done through in-person performance evaluations, that is, “learning by doing”. Sir Lyman Lemons is Dean of the Royal Consqueezatory.
Royal Consqueezatory Coursework
The core of each student’s academic work is in Mixing Studio with a master cocktailologist. Students meet with their studio instructor a minimum of two hours per week, at which time they present that week’s drinks, accompanied by historical lecture and/or data set. Other courses in the curriculum vary by major, but typically include courses from the following departments:
- Ice Crusher Mechanics
- Proportions, Weights, and Measurements
- Glassware, Ceramicware, Tiki Mugs, and Approved Containers
- How to Make Ice
- Physics Topics for Cocktailologists (i.e. Stirring velocity, shaking, rate of pour)
- Recipe Notation and Literacy
- Professional Career Seminar (Topics include: Bar Tabs, Cleaning Your Bar, etc.)
- Flaming and Fogging Drinks
- Survey of Cocktail Types
- Living With Your Second (or Third) Liver
- Garnishes and You
Additionally, students are encouraged to cross-register at other Okonkuluku University colleges, including the School of Design, where the Consqueezatory actually has an exchange program. (See the School of Design’s website for more information). In 2009, the School of Design will be hosting a special seminar on Tiki Bar Crafting, which we highly encourage all Consqueezatory students attend.
Facilities
The Royal Consqueezatory houses more than 50 individual tiki bars, behind which students practice their crafts every day. Basic tiki bars have ample shelf space for 6 rums, falernum, orgeat, a bushel of limes, and an assortment of juices. These rooms also have mini fridges, and a radio connection to OKU-FM (the University Radio Station). Students are required to BYO-MoWABU (”Bring Your Own MoWABU”) and stock these rooms on an as-needed basis. Limes and basic cubed & crushed ices are provided by the school. Students can sign-out rooms with blenders and microwaves if working on assignments that need those items (i.e. the Sidewinder’s Fang or Polynesian Pearl Diver). Rooms do not come equipped with shakers, citrus squeezers, or approved containers. For students preparing recitals, the Consqueezatory has 5 medium-sized tiki bars that are available for dry (not!) runs. The medium tiki rooms are similarly-equipped (to the individual rooms), except for the addition of ambient lighting, foliage, decor, and space for drink enthusiasts. All faculty performances take place in the Consqueezatory’s main tiki bar, the famed Dew Drop Inn, modeled after the popular rooms of The Mai Kai Restaurant, the Hawaiian Hut, the Kahiki Supper Club, and La Mariana establishments.
Famous Royal Consqueezatory Alumni
- The Mayor of Exotica - Invented the MoWABU (”Mobile WAITIKI Bar Unit”
- The Mayor’s liver
Royal Consqueezatory TV Commercial
Topics: cocktailology, colleges, royal consqueezatory |
March 3rd, 2008 at 12:35 am
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March 3rd, 2008 at 1:55 am
[…] Royal Consqueezatory […]
March 9th, 2008 at 12:36 pm
What a swell idea for a school! I can’t wait to enroll my kids.
March 9th, 2008 at 5:41 pm
Yes, yes… can someone please direct me to the faculty lounge? Oh, and were is my student roster?
I have prepared some notes for my graduate student help on the subject of properly washing ice, as well as general outlines for my lecture on cocktail mythology.
Can someone please help me with these bags?
Careful! That’s glass!
I will be getting graduate student help, won’t I? You don’t really expect me to get up this early every day do you? My god man, what time is it anyway?
Noon?!?
There had better be a hammock in my office.
March 11th, 2008 at 1:50 pm
I still have my finger stuck in the ice crusher. Sir Lemons? Sir? I think I need to go to the nurse.
April 26th, 2008 at 12:48 pm
Safety procedures at the Royal Consqueezatory are always #1. You all should enroll in The Mayor’s class “Don’t Be Bitter About Using The Bitters”
June 4th, 2008 at 10:45 pm
[…] for a live audition, please check-in at the registration desk in the foyer of Watermelon Hall of the Royal Consqueezatory. Plan to arrive at least 1 hour before your audition time; applicants will be served complimentary […]